1995, The making of a letter...
The Making of a Christmas Letter
(the unauthorized dialogue)
DONNA: Hey, Chris. We need to write our Christmas letter.
CHRIS: Not now. Wrestling is on. Did you know that Ric Flair is the greatest wrestler of all time?
DONNA: No comment. Now get in here (computer room) and let's work on it.
CHRIS: Okay. You know it is going to be hard to top last year's letter. I pretty much showed you who was boss in that one.
DONNA: Hah!!! Chris, I don't know. You are the creative type. Why don't you do the whole thing?
CHRIS: If you thought I whupped you last year. Just let me do this year's version. This is our letter. So we both need to do it. Even if I do make you look bad. I hate to use the same idea twice.
DONNA: Okay, what do you think needs to be mentioned. The only thing that happened this year is that you wised up and proposed to me.
CHRIS: Wised up. You tricked me.
DONNA: How did I trick you?
CHRIS: You took me to that chick flick, Bridges of Madison County. Then when it was over I started to pick it apart, because I can do that, and you blew a gasket. It was almost like I had shot the President (or Wayne Gretzky for you Canadians) or something. So in order to get you to let me in MY apartment I had to give you something. It just so happened that I had a ring from a Cracker Jack box and it worked. You tricked me plain and simple.
DONNA: If that is the way you remember it, you have a poor memory. I recall that you were planning it all along and you were so anxious to ask me you couldn't even wait to get the ring. You just gave me a receipt for a ring. I didn't see the rock until 4 days later. By them I almost reconsidered.
CHRIS: Yeah, whatever. Did I tell you that Ric Flair is the Man!!!?
DONNA: Yeah, whatever. You still didn't answer my question.
CHRIS: How about the new addition to our household.
DONNA: You mean the new frying pan?
CHRIS: You mean the one you never use? No our four legged friend named Farley J. Stipe.
DONNA: You tricked me into thinking I wanted a dog instead of a cat.
CHRIS: You don't seem too upset when Farley greets you at the door every day. You couldn't get a cat to even move from it's perch if it were on fire. Farley rules. It's too bad you wouldn't let me name him Ric Flair.
DONNA: We don't want to scar the dog for life. Although he was doing some nice wrestling with your sisters dog.
CHRIS: He did have the trademark Ric Flair figure four leg-lock.
DONNA: We need to mention that I moved to Des Moines Iowa and then you followed shortly after. That was pretty significant.
CHRIS: Significant in the fact that it was the first time you tricked me this year.
DONNA: No you were willing to come down here even if you had to work three part time jobs.
CHRIS: It's not like that hasn't happened before. Did I tell you that "In order to be the man, you have to beat the man"? (Vague Ric Flair reference) DONNA: Yeah whatever.
CHRIS: I did not have to work three jobs. I received two job offers within a week. One part time and one full time. I took the full time at WOI-TV.
DONNA: You are the man! The people at WOI are very cool. I enjoy hanging out with them even though you are around, Chris. I bought a car this year, and in order for your car to look as good as mine you got a bike rack on your car. But I countered with a car phone. Now, who is the man?
CHRIS: I guess in order to make up for deficiencies in the driving department you have to buy toys. Why don't we mention all the planning for that cruel trick you played on me.
DONNA: The only thing I planned was the date. June 1st 1996. You did everything else.
CHRIS: Yeah, you tricked me.
DONNA: Don't call it a trick. I like to call it an intelligent manipulation.
CHRIS: Yeah whatever. On that fateful day in June all my stuff will become our stuff. And, you get a small hand weight made of gold and diamonds. I guess if you needed an excuse to get all our friends together in one place this is a good one. Not to mention that there is going to be a killer band at the reception (to be named later). I heard REM wanted the gig. Ric Flair is gonna be there.
DONNA: How about I mention that Farley is eating his dog bones while lying on your new pants?
CHRIS: You want to mention that in the letter?
DONNA: No silly. I just wanted to mention it to you because I think it is funny.
CHRIS: Oh, thanks.
DONNA: Why don't we wish everyone a merry Christmas and a happy New Year?
CHRIS: In our Christmas letter? That isn't very creative.
DONNA: No, but it is expected.
CHRIS: Okay if you want to be predictable.
DONNA: You always have to get the last word.
CHRIS: Yes I do. Did I mention that Ric Flair...
DONNA: Yes you did.
CHRIS: Oh, well then MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
DONNA: EH!
CHRIS: Nice try.
(the unauthorized dialogue)
DONNA: Hey, Chris. We need to write our Christmas letter.
CHRIS: Not now. Wrestling is on. Did you know that Ric Flair is the greatest wrestler of all time?
DONNA: No comment. Now get in here (computer room) and let's work on it.
CHRIS: Okay. You know it is going to be hard to top last year's letter. I pretty much showed you who was boss in that one.
DONNA: Hah!!! Chris, I don't know. You are the creative type. Why don't you do the whole thing?
CHRIS: If you thought I whupped you last year. Just let me do this year's version. This is our letter. So we both need to do it. Even if I do make you look bad. I hate to use the same idea twice.
DONNA: Okay, what do you think needs to be mentioned. The only thing that happened this year is that you wised up and proposed to me.
CHRIS: Wised up. You tricked me.
DONNA: How did I trick you?
CHRIS: You took me to that chick flick, Bridges of Madison County. Then when it was over I started to pick it apart, because I can do that, and you blew a gasket. It was almost like I had shot the President (or Wayne Gretzky for you Canadians) or something. So in order to get you to let me in MY apartment I had to give you something. It just so happened that I had a ring from a Cracker Jack box and it worked. You tricked me plain and simple.
DONNA: If that is the way you remember it, you have a poor memory. I recall that you were planning it all along and you were so anxious to ask me you couldn't even wait to get the ring. You just gave me a receipt for a ring. I didn't see the rock until 4 days later. By them I almost reconsidered.
CHRIS: Yeah, whatever. Did I tell you that Ric Flair is the Man!!!?
DONNA: Yeah, whatever. You still didn't answer my question.
CHRIS: How about the new addition to our household.
DONNA: You mean the new frying pan?
CHRIS: You mean the one you never use? No our four legged friend named Farley J. Stipe.
DONNA: You tricked me into thinking I wanted a dog instead of a cat.
CHRIS: You don't seem too upset when Farley greets you at the door every day. You couldn't get a cat to even move from it's perch if it were on fire. Farley rules. It's too bad you wouldn't let me name him Ric Flair.
DONNA: We don't want to scar the dog for life. Although he was doing some nice wrestling with your sisters dog.
CHRIS: He did have the trademark Ric Flair figure four leg-lock.
DONNA: We need to mention that I moved to Des Moines Iowa and then you followed shortly after. That was pretty significant.
CHRIS: Significant in the fact that it was the first time you tricked me this year.
DONNA: No you were willing to come down here even if you had to work three part time jobs.
CHRIS: It's not like that hasn't happened before. Did I tell you that "In order to be the man, you have to beat the man"? (Vague Ric Flair reference) DONNA: Yeah whatever.
CHRIS: I did not have to work three jobs. I received two job offers within a week. One part time and one full time. I took the full time at WOI-TV.
DONNA: You are the man! The people at WOI are very cool. I enjoy hanging out with them even though you are around, Chris. I bought a car this year, and in order for your car to look as good as mine you got a bike rack on your car. But I countered with a car phone. Now, who is the man?
CHRIS: I guess in order to make up for deficiencies in the driving department you have to buy toys. Why don't we mention all the planning for that cruel trick you played on me.
DONNA: The only thing I planned was the date. June 1st 1996. You did everything else.
CHRIS: Yeah, you tricked me.
DONNA: Don't call it a trick. I like to call it an intelligent manipulation.
CHRIS: Yeah whatever. On that fateful day in June all my stuff will become our stuff. And, you get a small hand weight made of gold and diamonds. I guess if you needed an excuse to get all our friends together in one place this is a good one. Not to mention that there is going to be a killer band at the reception (to be named later). I heard REM wanted the gig. Ric Flair is gonna be there.
DONNA: How about I mention that Farley is eating his dog bones while lying on your new pants?
CHRIS: You want to mention that in the letter?
DONNA: No silly. I just wanted to mention it to you because I think it is funny.
CHRIS: Oh, thanks.
DONNA: Why don't we wish everyone a merry Christmas and a happy New Year?
CHRIS: In our Christmas letter? That isn't very creative.
DONNA: No, but it is expected.
CHRIS: Okay if you want to be predictable.
DONNA: You always have to get the last word.
CHRIS: Yes I do. Did I mention that Ric Flair...
DONNA: Yes you did.
CHRIS: Oh, well then MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
DONNA: EH!
CHRIS: Nice try.
posted by Hamilton @ 9:32 AM
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