1998 - Christmas Conspiracy
Christmas Conspiracy
Welcome to the always anticipated, never duplicated, often imitated, Peterson family Christmas letter. We had a great response to our letter last year. We thank you for all your positive comments. Because we have such an avid following of our letter we have had to tighten up the security around this year's letter; due mainly to the ugly "black market letter" that hit the streets. Did you know that some versions of our letter were being sold on the streets for as much as $3,000? One version that we tracked down was only a half a page and didn't even mention a brat once. Isn't that crazy? So this year we had to heighten security around every aspect of the letter. We are a non-profit letter, so that whole scalping thing just left a bad taste in our mouths. We just want to stop the knock-offs from getting on the streets, and with this crazy Information Super Highway it is nearly impossible to keep that diluted stuff from getting out. We do this just to protect YOU the loyal fan of our Christmas letter.
Along with all the positive comments we also had some suggestions offered up by you, the avid fan, of our letter. Some we listened to. For instance Chad from Ohio wrote in...."Why isn't there more action and stuff blowing up in your letters." Well Chad stay tuned you may get what you want. Then there was Reggie, formerly of Montana, who wrote... "Being from the `Great Outdoors' why isn't there more wild animals or bear attacks, you know, cool stuff like that." That was a good letter. Then there are some we just ignore. Like Hal in North Dakota, he wrote....."This letter needs more soil conservation and stories about trees." Yeah sure Hal. Or Nick in Fargo wrote......"We want more lawyers and litigation. Oh yeah, and more wrasslin'." Wrasslin' we can do, Litigation, we don't think so.
Another question that was asked was "How do you keep coming up with that great award winning stuff every year? Logic says that you will eventually run out of Ideas. But bam every year a home run." That one was sent in by Mitch in Canada. Thanks Mitch. Well you know being great literary artists is hard in this day and age, but we like to think that it is our superior diet and television regimin. Donna may disagree and say that it just is the fact that she is Canadian, but I beg to differ. Not all Canadians are funny. Just the ones that are living in the States.
As you can tell our letter always has a theme. Coming up with a good theme isn't always as easy as it may seem. For example the letter that was written by Farley was oringinaly supposed to be about a talking pig named Babe, but we thought that was too cheesy so we went with the talking dog idea. Also last years letter we were going to put out on paper made of cheese but we thought that could get ugly if it didn't make it to you in time.
For this year's letter I thought that a step by step description of Donna's Restorative Proctocolectomy would be a neat idea. You know, name all the doctor's instruments and procedures with cute little names like "Scalpus" the scalpel or "Oscar" the ostomy bag, or "Morphy" the morphine hit. Donna didn't buy it so we started over. Donna thought it would be nice to do a "romantic comedy" of sorts starring a gorgeous woman named "Donna" and the loudmouthed lug "Chris" The story was about how she turned him from the evil ways of wrasslin' Mondays and violent hockey, to gardening and bowling. No way was I going to let that garbage get out.
As you can see there is a lot of work put into the production of this letter. We even at one point this year had to go through a nasty litigation with Lucasfilms Ltd. because Mr. Lucas thought our letter was a little to close to the "Phantom Menace". We settled out of court and at the risk of violating our no speak clause I will end my comments there.
Lets just end this letter with a few comments about our year together. Donna had an operation early this year that has for the lack of other words changed her life. She feels so much better now that she can now join me in brats every night without repercussions. Her job is, lets say, a lot of work. She spends about 4-5 hours a day on the road driving to different nursing facilities in fabulous Door county. Speaking of driving, Donna finally learned how to drive a standard transmission. She prefers to say that I finally learned how to teach her. Which brings me to my job. Not the best year I have had but at least I am working.
I have had many cool things happen this year. I met many people that I have always wanted to. Chris Elliot was way cool. He slammed me several times. Just what I expected. The WWF World Champ Rocky Maivaia. No slams. And I went to many Wrasslin' events. One in Fargo for live TV, and even squeezed in a trip to Minneapolis for a pro hockey game.
We are closing out our year in Ohio with a trip to see the Weisers and a mind blowing trip to the Rock Hall of Fame. Oh yeah, my golden birthday is this year. I expect lots of presents. 31 on the 31st.
Well we will wrap this bad boy up with a big explosion of action and a high speed chase. Hey, we even got in some litigation, but no tree stories. Sorry we can only do so many requests. Better luck next year Hal.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR
Gorgeous Woman and the Loudmouthed Lug (Donna & Chris)
Welcome to the always anticipated, never duplicated, often imitated, Peterson family Christmas letter. We had a great response to our letter last year. We thank you for all your positive comments. Because we have such an avid following of our letter we have had to tighten up the security around this year's letter; due mainly to the ugly "black market letter" that hit the streets. Did you know that some versions of our letter were being sold on the streets for as much as $3,000? One version that we tracked down was only a half a page and didn't even mention a brat once. Isn't that crazy? So this year we had to heighten security around every aspect of the letter. We are a non-profit letter, so that whole scalping thing just left a bad taste in our mouths. We just want to stop the knock-offs from getting on the streets, and with this crazy Information Super Highway it is nearly impossible to keep that diluted stuff from getting out. We do this just to protect YOU the loyal fan of our Christmas letter.
Along with all the positive comments we also had some suggestions offered up by you, the avid fan, of our letter. Some we listened to. For instance Chad from Ohio wrote in...."Why isn't there more action and stuff blowing up in your letters." Well Chad stay tuned you may get what you want. Then there was Reggie, formerly of Montana, who wrote... "Being from the `Great Outdoors' why isn't there more wild animals or bear attacks, you know, cool stuff like that." That was a good letter. Then there are some we just ignore. Like Hal in North Dakota, he wrote....."This letter needs more soil conservation and stories about trees." Yeah sure Hal. Or Nick in Fargo wrote......"We want more lawyers and litigation. Oh yeah, and more wrasslin'." Wrasslin' we can do, Litigation, we don't think so.
Another question that was asked was "How do you keep coming up with that great award winning stuff every year? Logic says that you will eventually run out of Ideas. But bam every year a home run." That one was sent in by Mitch in Canada. Thanks Mitch. Well you know being great literary artists is hard in this day and age, but we like to think that it is our superior diet and television regimin. Donna may disagree and say that it just is the fact that she is Canadian, but I beg to differ. Not all Canadians are funny. Just the ones that are living in the States.
As you can tell our letter always has a theme. Coming up with a good theme isn't always as easy as it may seem. For example the letter that was written by Farley was oringinaly supposed to be about a talking pig named Babe, but we thought that was too cheesy so we went with the talking dog idea. Also last years letter we were going to put out on paper made of cheese but we thought that could get ugly if it didn't make it to you in time.
For this year's letter I thought that a step by step description of Donna's Restorative Proctocolectomy would be a neat idea. You know, name all the doctor's instruments and procedures with cute little names like "Scalpus" the scalpel or "Oscar" the ostomy bag, or "Morphy" the morphine hit. Donna didn't buy it so we started over. Donna thought it would be nice to do a "romantic comedy" of sorts starring a gorgeous woman named "Donna" and the loudmouthed lug "Chris" The story was about how she turned him from the evil ways of wrasslin' Mondays and violent hockey, to gardening and bowling. No way was I going to let that garbage get out.
As you can see there is a lot of work put into the production of this letter. We even at one point this year had to go through a nasty litigation with Lucasfilms Ltd. because Mr. Lucas thought our letter was a little to close to the "Phantom Menace". We settled out of court and at the risk of violating our no speak clause I will end my comments there.
Lets just end this letter with a few comments about our year together. Donna had an operation early this year that has for the lack of other words changed her life. She feels so much better now that she can now join me in brats every night without repercussions. Her job is, lets say, a lot of work. She spends about 4-5 hours a day on the road driving to different nursing facilities in fabulous Door county. Speaking of driving, Donna finally learned how to drive a standard transmission. She prefers to say that I finally learned how to teach her. Which brings me to my job. Not the best year I have had but at least I am working.
I have had many cool things happen this year. I met many people that I have always wanted to. Chris Elliot was way cool. He slammed me several times. Just what I expected. The WWF World Champ Rocky Maivaia. No slams. And I went to many Wrasslin' events. One in Fargo for live TV, and even squeezed in a trip to Minneapolis for a pro hockey game.
We are closing out our year in Ohio with a trip to see the Weisers and a mind blowing trip to the Rock Hall of Fame. Oh yeah, my golden birthday is this year. I expect lots of presents. 31 on the 31st.
Well we will wrap this bad boy up with a big explosion of action and a high speed chase. Hey, we even got in some litigation, but no tree stories. Sorry we can only do so many requests. Better luck next year Hal.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR
Gorgeous Woman and the Loudmouthed Lug (Donna & Chris)
posted by Hamilton @ 9:34 AM
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