2004 - Peterson Family Christmas Letter, accept no substitutes

Peterson Family Christmas Newsletter
Est. 1993
Voted Number One Newsletter Year After Glorious Year
Hello and welcome again to THE premier Christmas letter of the season. As you know last year was 10 year anniversary of the letter and we are headed into the next decade of excellence. This year since I am sooo busy I have hired journalists to produce the letter. That is right, the Peterson family letter now has a staff. I spared no expence in hiring the best for our letter. I am accepting applications for next years letter. Bokaw and Rather? Forget it. Only the best of the best need apply. Of course I haven’t given up complete editorial control. I hope that you the loyal reader, appreciate this. For more pics and some video of McKenna click HERE



Daddy is Crazy and Mummy is Smart
by McKenna Peterson (Future Journalist)
Wen Daddy asked...errr told me to write this story I wuz shocked. First of all, I can’t read or write. Making your 2 year old daughter write your Christmas letter iz almost az pathetic az making your friendz write it. Oh, well, I will give it a go. Mummy this year has started Mary Kay work. “In my ‘spare time’ I run around the city selling stuff to my friends.” Mummy said, out of breaf, “I spend more time working so I am learning to priorize my time once again.” She haz learned qwite well how to motivate (bribe) me to do thingz. Since Mummy is spending more time working and Daddy duzn’t, I hang with him. “I have had to loosen the apron strings a bit. For now.” Mummy said. Daddy iz good at playing. Daddy explainz “Let’s see, I taught her how to land a ‘Big Splash’, how to watch wrestling and football at the same time, and to appreciate that burps, passing gas, and monkeys are always funny. She is a quick study. Oh yeah, Go Packers.” Thanks Daddy. I am truly Daddyz girl. He made me write that. Az for my year, I hav had a lot of fun at day care this year and hav made lotz of friendz. I also wuz a flower girl in two weddingz this year. That wuz a lot of fun. I saw my cuzinz too. Ohhh, I met Santa the other day. That dude iz creepy, but he bringz me stuff so I’ll let it go. I love playing with my puppiez and my Dora puzzlez. I hope to see all of you sometime soon. I will show you all my cool toyz and my room. I hope this iz good enough for Daddy, I really wish he would have done this himself. Oh, yeah, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.






New Lease on Life
by Trevor Doroshenko (Fmr. A-Channel)
After almost four memorable, albeit frustrating years at A-Channel, Chris Peterson is collecting a paycheck from a new employer. In early September, The Score (Zoom Communications) welcomed in the Chris Peterson era...for better or for worse. “It’s a great job. I get to shoot nothing but sports....and work maybe twice a week.” says Peterson of the 24 hour sports channel. Happy to be out of A-Channel, the cameraman’s days at the “A” don’t bring back a flood of positive memories. “It was like a rectal exam, except not that much fun.” Working for a company that at least knows his name is the right step forward for the transplanted American. The job not only allows Chris to continue his love-affair with sports, but it also reunites him with longtime friend, and former A-Channel sportscaster Jordi Weidman. “You know, he’s bought me a sandwich from the Italian Bakery the other day,” says the talented reporter. “But he owes me a few more for the glowing reviews I gave him to help get this job.”
Peterson’s light workload right now is mostly due to the current NHL lockout...but that hasn’t dampened the big man’s spirit. “He’s much happier”, says Chris’ lovely wife Donna. “He hasn’t been this happy since he first met me.” Mrs. Peterson adds that Chris’ schedule without NHL hockey has created some free time at home. Free time for her husband to cook, clean, and look after darling daughter McKenna. Happily, Donna says she’s “Trying to learn helplessness.” With Chris around...don’t count on it. All this free time, and the guy still has his friends writing Christmas letters for him....jeez.
But is this job better than the last? “On a scale of one to ten.....it’s 400”, says Chris. “It’s the perfect job. It’s an excuse for me to watch sports all the time.” That’s good Chris, but isn’t it time you get dinner ready?



Would you please get over it?!
by Jordi Weidman (The Score Television)
Could somebody please tell Chris the A-Channel strike is over. Some days, check that, most days you wouldn’t be able to tell by listening to Chris tell his ‘war’ stories from the strike and he gets almost as worked up now as he did back in September of 2003. That’s a whole different subject. My task in this segment of the legendary Christmas letter is to write about how the strike ended.
It was the early morning hours on a day in early February. Chris was fast asleep in his cozy bed and was about to become really happy and quite satisfied in REM sleep when Donna nudged him gently and whispered in his ear about 2 o’clock in the morning. It could only mean one thing - the phone rang and it was for him. Daren Scott was calling to give him the news that negotiations were over and the end of the strike was imminent. “I was shocked, elated, mad, and satisfied all at the same time” remembers Chris. Donna doesn’t remember the phone call, like most things that happen in their bedroom at 2 o’clock in the morning.
I personally wasn’t around for the end of the strike, so I had to rely on eye witness accounts from Chris’s co-strikers to figure out exactly how Chris was right after the conclusion of the strike.
“All I can remember about Chris was that crazy hair cut he got right after the strike” recalls Dave Valentine, “he looked like a freak.” Chris was a changed man when he walked back into the halls of the target of all his aggression for 5+ months. The A-channel employees were just as happy to see him.
“I’ll always think about how much Chris enjoyed being at work after the strike. All he had to do was show up to make people squirm, and I think he liked that” according to Greg Donnelly.
Seriously, the biggest change in Chris after the strike came at home and his wife can attest to that. “He’s always been passive-aggressive at home but the leadership role that he had to take during the strike made him a better person in the long run” says Donna. “He doesn’t have to wait for my orders as much anymore and takes more initiative around the house. He does more projects and spends quality time with McKenna. I’ve been really impressed with the leader that he’s become.” A good leader knows how to delegate. I guess that’s why I’m writing this segment of his Christmas letter. No, that’s giving him TOO much credit. He’s just lazy.



Summer Vacation Rocked: Petersons
by Fletcher Kent (Global Televison)
It’s nice to hear Chris and Donna enjoyed a lovely summer vacation - especially considering they’re wasting MY Christmas vacation forcing me to write their lousy letter.
Chris Peterson’s story of summer bliss took him south to visit family in Hazen, North Dakota. “It was a wonderful trip down to North Dakota,” says Peterson. “It’s so close. Just 16 hours to get there.” But it was long enough for young McKenna to watch Finding Nemo three times on the vehicle’s DVD player.
Once there, Chris reveled in how life changed. He says, “When you’re (in Edmonton), you do stuff. When you’re there, you do nothing.” Chris’ enjoyed his new routine which consisted of waking up, walking around, sitting, eating, watching his beloved ESPN and sleeping. McKenna did a little bit more than Chris. She spent quality time with her mimi and papa. She also played in the park and chased squirrels. McKenna loves chasing squirrels.
Donna cherished her time with the in-laws in North Dakota. However, her vacation took a slightly different tone. She went to Jasper to do her own thing. “I have to do things on my vacation that Chris doesn’t like to do,” says Donna. “So I did things involving physical activity.” Donna went whitewater rafting and hiking. However, on her next personal vacation, she’s looking for an even bigger challenge. “It was exactly what I wanted to do for a long time. I like the riskiness in it but there wasn’t enough riskiness in it.”
Fortunately for Donna when the vacation came to an end, she went back to living with Chris. Little else offers a greater risk.

2003 - Ten Year Anniversary (under construction)

Christmas 2003
Ten Year Anniversary


Well, I guess the well has run dry. Ten years going strong with the greatest Christmas letter you recieve and we got nothin’. Ten years of the most creative stuff you have ever read on the holidays and all we can come up with is this anniversary stuff. I know you are probably thinking that we will just cop out and drop in some of the old letters kinda like they do with sit-coms where everyone sits around and reminices about the old days just so they can run old clips. Let’s see, my favorite letter would be in 1998 “Christmas Conspiracy”. Donna says her favorite one is the ones she wrote. She thinks that is 8 out of the 10. I beg to differ. Isn’t that how it always goes in our letters? A lot of begging and a lot of differing. Anyway, happy tenth anniversary. May there be ten more.
The tenth year brought us lots of laughter watching McKenna grow into a busy toddler that is every day learning the English language. Even though daddy rarely speaks it. She has suprised us daily with her growing vocabulary. There were some tears shed the day she yelled touchdown and Packers. She sometimes manageds to get words mixed up like boot and boob (don’t ask) or meat and feet (again don’t ask). She loves to swim, sing, dance, ‘read’, and torment the dogs. That reminds us of our 1996 letter that Farley wrote...Cue the clips. McKenna also loves to help around the house. Things like cooking and doing the dishes are more difficult for us or easier from McKenna’s point of view. Hopefully she will be this eager to help as a teenager. Daddy is also very proud of her eating habits. Ketchup, chips, and bratwrist are her three favorite food groups. She had her first birthday party which was a huge sucess. She is definitely a little girl she loves to stand in fron t of the mirror and she loves shoes. She has her Daddy’s sense of humor, Mommy disagrees. She laughs at all of daddy’s jokes, the same ones he has been telling for years. Mummy thinks she is just laughing AT daddy.
McKenna also spent some time with all her cousins this year. They had a great time together. Cosin Macy Davis got a kiss from McKenna. Maraiah and Caitlin spent some quality time with her over the fourth of July. Mimi and Papa also had a good visit showing her the birdies in the park.

Mckenna truly is a blessing and we enjoy every minute with her. There is nothing better than a big hug from our little girl, except maybe a kiss to go along with it. We look forward to her development into a big girl. Daddy is already practicing his ‘boy speech’ and Mommy has taught her how to shop with the best of them.

Donna managed to be a Mummy, business woman, and run three half marathons this year. One of these days she will string a couple together to run a full one. Donna has really discoverd the benefits of coffee as she went back to work after a year off with McKenna (this is the part where you ladies in the US get jealous).

2002 - Idea Session

Christmas letter idea session 2002
On a warm November afternoon in Edmonton (no such thing as global warming, yeah right) Donna and Chris sit and contemplate another award winning idea for their Christmas letter. McKenna is also there but, she has different ideas. What follows is a loose transcript of that conversation (McKenna’s words have been translated from ‘ga, ga, ba, ba, ma, gurgle’ to english).
Donna proclaimed “Just because we have a baby, does not mean we will do the unoriginal ‘baby writes the christmas letter’ idea.’” Chris agreed.



But little did they know that McKenna had other plans “Just give me five minutes on my laptop and that lame graphs and charts idea you forced out last year will be forgotten.” Chris proclaimed “What is she going to write about anyway? We do everything for her.” “Besides” said Donna, “we did stuff worthy of writing about before we had McKenna.”



“Nothing worth mentioning?”, McKenna snorted, “I eat solid foods, pal. I grew almost 27’’ this year. I’d like to see you guys do that.”



“So I need to mention that I finally got my three goals playing hockey this year.” Chris bragged. “And I am training for a marathon that I will run next year.” Donna countered. “Sports huh? I am athletic girl.” McKenna fired back, “I am an all world swimmer, and am destined to win gold for the USA/Canada in womens hockey. Do you like apples? So do I. Pureed. How do you like them apples?” “We also have to mention seeing our first Grey Cup game with all of our friends and relatives.” “Yeah that was a blast going to the game with Chad, Ivy, and the Davis clan.” McKenna not to be outdone replies “Grey Cup Schmey Cup, I saw about 7 Eskimo football games and a Trappers baseball game before the age of one.”
“Chris, you can mention how you are starting to learn French.” Donna quipped. “Not if my life depended on it. I have been up here for 3 years now and I’ve been forced to learn what poulet is against my better judgement. I am still 100% American.” “Daddy, did you say poulet or p-lay! Oh, and I am 100% American AND 100% Canadian now that I officially got the papers for dual citizenship. Top that parental units.” “How are we going to tie all this, plus McKenna’s first year into a nice little well written letter?” Donna asked to no one in particular. “Man, that is a tough one.” Chris answered. “I guess I will just have to think on that some more.” “Oh great, we all know where he goes to do his thinking.” McKenna groaned and grabbed her nose. “If you guys would just listen to me you would already have it ‘wrapped up’. Get it? Wrapped up?”
Merry Christmas and Happy New year from
McKenna - Chris - Donna

2001 - Charts and Graphs

This year we thought we would give you an insight into the Peterson Family. Well I guess we pretty much do this every year, but this year we will do it by the numbers. Just a few stats and figures to let you know how this Forbes 500 family keeps it’s edge in this ultra-competitive global economy. So without further ado... here it is, the letter you crave. The letter you can’t live without. The often imitated, never duplicated. Peterson Family Christmas letter. BY THE NUMBERS.

(The Peterson Family Editor apologizes that the graphs and charts could not be reproduced)

Weakest Link

The stats reveal that Chris over the past year has been the weakest link in the household. Donna was right 99% of the time throughout the year. Chris gained his 1% by being right only once during the calendar year. That was when he predicted that Ric Flair would be on Raw is War on November 18th. Which leads us to the statictic that Chris has watched an estimated 185 hours of wrasslin’ in the year 2001. Despite the amount of time watching wrasslin’ and the fact that he is wrong 99% of the time, Chris has yet to be voted out of the household. Early predictions are that he will be voted out in the next calendar year for one thing or another.



Food Monuments

While on vacation this year. The statistic that defines Chris is the amount of monuments, or destinations, that he went out of his way to see. As the pie chart shows, the majority was eating establishments. At 51.3% it was well above seeing places he used to live at 2.5%. Clocking in in third place was amusement. i.e. Rock museums, record stores, amusement parks, and theaters. One thing to note is that friends and family came in in second place at 16.9%. Food is king.



Xmas letter

Let’s start off with a few stats about the letter itself. The world famous letter is sent to the chosen few accross two contries. Canada and the USA. There are as you can see by the wonderful chart on the left, a few more Americans than Canadians on the list. But there are also some of both. Meaning that there is a Canadian and an American in that household. The Peterson family xmas letter is a strong beliver in harmony between both North American contries, EXCEPT when it comes to olympic hockey. Now, the letter is also pro-Green Bay Packers, even though there are according to the chart on the right there are seven and a half Viking fans on the list. The half being the Lucht household. No harmony there on gameday.



Moving
Chris and Donna moved to a new home this year. Which brings stats too numereous to mention all of them. The ones we will mention are, as the graphic shows, in a normal life a person will move 7 times. Chris blows that stat out of the water with a whopping 18 moves. This is 2.07 times over the average. In his lifetime he has moved once every 22 months and has an 87% percent chance of moving again. Chris says the probability of him filling another box for a move is slim to none. Donna clocks in at 11 moves. That is once every 33 months. Considerably less than Chris. She considers a move as exciting. Problably because she does not have to lift everything they own into a truck. Probably.



Celebrities

No chart here, just it seems every year Chris feels the need to name drop and add a picture of himself with some famous wrassler or celebrity. This year it is Frank Zappa’s son, Dweezil. Not a huge celebrity, but a celebrity none the less. I guess we can gleam one stat out of this...The chance of Chris name dropping again next year is about 100%.



Falling

Chris took up a new sport this year. Hockey. The picture to the left is going to be used for his rookie card. Here are a few stats for the back of the card. In 10 games played he has had about 18 shots on goal with 0% going in. His +/- is at +2. Two penalty minutes served for interference with the goalie. And the grandest of all stats, odd on making the NHL - 1 in 1,000,000,000,000. Donna has one hockey stat to add - amount of time spent on his butt is about 50%



Merry Christmas.

For our final section we will give you some stats on the letter you just read. Chris wrote 9 out of 10 sections of this letter. That would be why he is mentioned three times more than Donna, and is featured in the pictures 2 1/2 more times. Never the less we are pleased to share our highlights and lowlights with you this year. In fact we are 60% more pleased. The validity of the statistics is at a confidence interval of 90% plus or minus 20. Unless Chris just made it up. For the exclusive web version of this letter and other events check out our web site at www.dreamwater.com/farleys/. Chance of Chris actually getting this on the web site before 2002 is about 35%. 40% of these greetings might be misspelled - Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Happy Channuchka, Joe You Noel, Maliki Kaliki Maka, Happy New Year. You are all welcome in our home so don’t be a stranger. Chris and Donna God Bless America.



Baby

In case you have not heard, we are expecting a child in May. Some stats to share with this wonderful event are that Chris believes that it is a boy and Donna believes that it is a girl. Chris has a 50% chance of being right and Donna has about a 50% chance. Odds on names that are frontrunners - “The Nature Kid” - 90%, “Loofah” - 45%, “Pat” - 10%, “Farley” - 50%, “Dharma”- 60%, “15” - 15%. Rumours are flying about where the child was conceived. Probability of places are: America 50%, Canada 50%, in a room with a tv 80%. If you look closely in the ultrasound photo you can see the child giving a USA #1 hand-signal. Look again and you might see a toque and a maple leaf.

2000 - Christmas Quiz

Christmas 2000 Quiz

Take a shot at this quiz to see how you rate at keeping up on what Chris and Donna are up to.



1. What did Chris get government papers for?
a) to read
b) because he is now a permanent resident of Canada
c) because he ran out of toilet paper



2. What did Donna get a medal in?
a) accomplishing 4 years of marriage with Chris
b) rowing
c) quilting





3. Where did Chris and Donna go on their vacation this summer?
a) crazy
b) Shuswap Lake BC on a houseboat
c) to the US even though Chris wasn’t allowed across the border



4. What season tickets did Donna and Chris own this year?
a) Drillers soccer tickets for the team that will go out of business
b) expensive Edmonton Oiler tickets
c) Edmonton Eskimo football tickets because Chris prefers CFL to NFL
d) Green Bay Gambler tickets although Chris couldn’t make it back to any of the games



5. Why was there a picture of Chris on the front page of the Edmonton Sun?
a) he is the goofiest man in Edmonton
b) he gets to shoot video for Edmonton Eskimo games
c) he’ s running for Prime Minister



6. Why was Chris on the A-Channel news?
a) he works there
b) they did a story on Americans voting for the US election from abroad
c) he has to interview some people at the same time as he shoots video
d) all of the above



7. What great event happened in the Milennium?
a) WWF wrestling in Edmonton
b) Cariwest Parade
c) Chris’ work softball team won the ‘C’ trophy
d) All of the above



8. What did Chris finally finish this year?
a) high school
b) puberty
c) a screenplay



9. Why did Donna need physiotherapy this year?
a) because she is a klutz and cut a tendon in her finger
b) she would rather be a PT than a Speech Pathologist
c) Chris injured her back when he wrestled her and he lost



10. In closing, what do Chris and Donna wish for all of you?
a) that you would send them money to help with the costs of supplying you with the best Christmas letters in print, year after year after year
b) that you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
c) that you come and visit them in Edmonton sometime
d) all of the above
e) b and c
f) this reminds me of some of the multiple choice tests I had in college


Results:
This is a self scoring test. Answer key is whatever you answer.
If you score 3 or less- get a life.
If you score 3-6 - you need to brush up on Chris and Donna trivia at their website dreamwater.com/farleys
If you score 7 and up you rule.

1999 - Great White North Times

Great White North Times



Great White Chris?


Some say he was headed that way all his life.


Edmonton, Alberta
Chris is American, or is he? Old evidence has reappeared to shed a light on Chris' latest move to the Great White North of Canada, begging the question is he now a toque wearing Canadian. Perhaps he will never again say, "USA, #1"? The fact is, he has been a closet Canadian since his younger, thinner years of his youth and now he can finally proudly say with all correct emphasis and pronunciation....."EH!".

Rare photos have surfaced of hosehead Chris belting out the best sounding "Theme From the Great White North" that any American could ever say. He made a great Bob McKenzie back in high school. Chad Weiser comments, "I didn't quite understand his infatuation with the movie Strange Brew, but now it kinda makes sense".

While attending university, Chris wised up, asked out a cute Canadian, and the rest is history. "What do you expect, half the college was Canadian", Chris said. "He was destined to become Canadian" Donna says, "actually, it was his idea to come up here. Chris will fit in just fine. He likes hockey, cold weather, the Tragically Hip, and salt and vinegar chips. But he may need to work on his accent." We asked Chris to comment on the allegations of his Canadianism. He replied "Sure I like hockey but just like any other good American, I like hockey, I don't play it. As for the Bob and Doug McKenzie thing, no comment".

Move to Canada took time
Green Bay, Wisconson, USA
The move to Canada did not go as quickly as planned. Donna left in February and Chris stayed behind to sell the house. They thought it would only take a couple months to sell but that short time turned into 9 months. Some would say nine months away from Chris would be heaven but "I kinda missed him." Donna says. Analysts say it took 9 months due to a buyer's market but insiders say Chris wanted to use his six months of free cable that he won at the Gambler Hockey game. Finally in November, Chris crossed the border, eager to live in the city which honours hockey great Wayne Gretzky, holds the world's largest mall and is home to the Edmonton Oilers. "It was nice to finally be in the same country as my wife, but isn't Dakota Square Mall in Minot, ND the world's largest mall?"


Alberta Job Market Looks Good
Edmonton, Alberta
With Alberta's economy boom, the job market looks good. New government money is being put towards a Student Health Initiative in this province which is a collaborative effort between the School Board and the Health Regions. Capital Health and the Edmonton Public School Board is part way into a 3 year plan at improving elementary school children's health in the schools. Donna Peterson, one of the several Speech Language Pathologists hired on in the Fall reports, "I was placed in the neediest area of the city, Eastwood Health Centre, to work with children in inner city schools." When asked about the efffectiveness of the Student Health Initiative Donna replied, "it is challenging but looks to be very rewarding." Capital Health is still aggressively marketing to hire on more SLPs.

"The jobs are in Alberta", indicates Chris Peterson. "I came up from the USA and chose Alberta out of all provinces because of how it is growing. Immigrations is going to be the biggest hurdle to get through." Negotiations for a position with the A-Channel began after Chris was in the city of Edmonton for only one week. "Immigrations may slow things down and create problems with the job prospects," says Chris "but I'll have no problem. People like me."


Polar Ice Dip
Jacksonport, Wisconsin
Between 175 and 300 people took the plunge at the 13th annual Jacksonport Polar Bear Dip (the number depends on who you ask). Several thousand much warmer people performed the vital role of observer, including several dogs, two llamas and three TV crews. very cold Chris Peterson was overheard saying, "WOOOOOO!" Actual air temperature was 10' F with the water temperature not being too much more than that. "I've wanted to become a Polar Bear since I was in high school, " Donna said, "I'm happy I finally got the chance and could convince Chris to join me." As it turned out, Chris didn't need much convincing. Once he got to the beach he "warmed up" to the idea and was seen to be acting like a goofball, being one of the first to get in and last to get out. Apparently, getting to the beach with nothing but a bathing suit is the hard part. The Petersons plan on finding a Polar Bear club in Alberta. If they can't find one they plan to establish one.



Sign Boy Bids Farewell...
Green Bay, Wis
It was an evening of excitememt and sorrow at the BCA. Sign Boy, a longtime tradition at Gambler games bid farewell to all his fans. Sign Boy dropped the puck on his final game as a heckler in the USHL and was in rare form. One fan made Sign Boy masks for every one in his section. "I am really gonna miss this team and all my fans, but it is time to move on." Sign Boy said as he was overcome with emotion "I love you guys." It truly was a night to remember.



....drives Zam
Green Bay, Wis
A loyal fan of the Green Bay Gamblers for three seasons was given the chance of a lifetime. Sign Boy drove the Zamboni during several games this season. This is an honor that is usually reserved for celebrities. "This is a night I will remember always. Sign Boy is truly honored." the lucky fan said shortly after leaving the ice. Steve the local Zamboni legend said of his performance, "He didn't suck too bad. What I really want to know is why he is referring to himself in third person. What an Idiot."



Stanley Cup in Danger
Eagle River, Wis
The Stanley Cup was nearly destroyed during the annual 4th of July parade this weekend as a crazed fan almost demolished the treasured prize. "I just wanted a picture. I'm not crazy." the fan raved as he was led away by authorities. The lunatic posed as a jounalist to gain access.



Rowing Team Wins Spirit Award
Vermilion, Alberta
The Lakeland Rowing Club hosted the annual rowing corporate challenge to raise money for the hospital. Teams raced, people came out and money was raised. "What was most memorable was the team from the health unit" says Donna, a member of the team from the health unit. "The Freudian Slips had the most fun and won the spirit award, "said Donna, a member of the Freudian Slips". (Note: same team, same arrogant Donna). A man with a pig hat, whom wishes to remain anonymous, indicated "They sucked. They were slow at getting off the dock and they were slow in the water. And even worse, when I told them they weren't going to win the race, they said, `so what, we just want to have fun'. "



Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise
Vermilion, Alberta
Canada is the place to be for outdoor enthusiasts. Two great places for trails are the Vermilion Provincial Park and the 80 miles of trails within Edmonton. Many Canadians are changing their ways back to the healthy, outdoorsy, natural lifestyle just as Donna is doing. "I left the dairy state and the lazy state of mind behind, " Donna proudly says," I have so much more energy with the better sleep now that I don't have to listen to Chris' snoring." Rollerblading, hiking, walking, rowing, and Tae Boxing are the activities that Donna used to get back into shape.



"Hip"
Edmonton, Alberta
Chris and Donna, like to check out Canadian bands whenever they can. "The Tragically Hip were awesome, " says Chris, "they are quickly becoming my favourite band". "I never heard of Farmer's Daughter but I sat in the front row, stood up and acted crazy to get a free t-shirt of theirs." Donna also joined the Folk Club to see other artists such as Maria Dunn and The McDades at the first, hopefully annual, Celtic Festival in Edmonton. Donna looks forward to all the festivals that are in Edmonton and Chris looks forward to getting season tickets to the Edmonton Oilers.


Letters to the Editor
Dear Editor,
I would like to comment on the recent accusations in your "rag" that I am Canadian. As anyone who knows me will tell you I am the most American person they know. Next time I hope you at least check your facts and your sources. On a positive note the articles on Sign Boy are great. He is truly genious.
Chris "USA #1" Peterson


Dear Editor,
It is nice to be back in Canada close to Donna's family. We are looking forward to the new millenium and hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. You are welcome in our home anytime.
The Petersons

1998 - Christmas Conspiracy

Christmas Conspiracy


Welcome to the always anticipated, never duplicated, often imitated, Peterson family Christmas letter. We had a great response to our letter last year. We thank you for all your positive comments. Because we have such an avid following of our letter we have had to tighten up the security around this year's letter; due mainly to the ugly "black market letter" that hit the streets. Did you know that some versions of our letter were being sold on the streets for as much as $3,000? One version that we tracked down was only a half a page and didn't even mention a brat once. Isn't that crazy? So this year we had to heighten security around every aspect of the letter. We are a non-profit letter, so that whole scalping thing just left a bad taste in our mouths. We just want to stop the knock-offs from getting on the streets, and with this crazy Information Super Highway it is nearly impossible to keep that diluted stuff from getting out. We do this just to protect YOU the loyal fan of our Christmas letter.


Along with all the positive comments we also had some suggestions offered up by you, the avid fan, of our letter. Some we listened to. For instance Chad from Ohio wrote in...."Why isn't there more action and stuff blowing up in your letters." Well Chad stay tuned you may get what you want. Then there was Reggie, formerly of Montana, who wrote... "Being from the `Great Outdoors' why isn't there more wild animals or bear attacks, you know, cool stuff like that." That was a good letter. Then there are some we just ignore. Like Hal in North Dakota, he wrote....."This letter needs more soil conservation and stories about trees." Yeah sure Hal. Or Nick in Fargo wrote......"We want more lawyers and litigation. Oh yeah, and more wrasslin'." Wrasslin' we can do, Litigation, we don't think so.


Another question that was asked was "How do you keep coming up with that great award winning stuff every year? Logic says that you will eventually run out of Ideas. But bam every year a home run." That one was sent in by Mitch in Canada. Thanks Mitch. Well you know being great literary artists is hard in this day and age, but we like to think that it is our superior diet and television regimin. Donna may disagree and say that it just is the fact that she is Canadian, but I beg to differ. Not all Canadians are funny. Just the ones that are living in the States.


As you can tell our letter always has a theme. Coming up with a good theme isn't always as easy as it may seem. For example the letter that was written by Farley was oringinaly supposed to be about a talking pig named Babe, but we thought that was too cheesy so we went with the talking dog idea. Also last years letter we were going to put out on paper made of cheese but we thought that could get ugly if it didn't make it to you in time.


For this year's letter I thought that a step by step description of Donna's Restorative Proctocolectomy would be a neat idea. You know, name all the doctor's instruments and procedures with cute little names like "Scalpus" the scalpel or "Oscar" the ostomy bag, or "Morphy" the morphine hit. Donna didn't buy it so we started over. Donna thought it would be nice to do a "romantic comedy" of sorts starring a gorgeous woman named "Donna" and the loudmouthed lug "Chris" The story was about how she turned him from the evil ways of wrasslin' Mondays and violent hockey, to gardening and bowling. No way was I going to let that garbage get out.


As you can see there is a lot of work put into the production of this letter. We even at one point this year had to go through a nasty litigation with Lucasfilms Ltd. because Mr. Lucas thought our letter was a little to close to the "Phantom Menace". We settled out of court and at the risk of violating our no speak clause I will end my comments there.


Lets just end this letter with a few comments about our year together. Donna had an operation early this year that has for the lack of other words changed her life. She feels so much better now that she can now join me in brats every night without repercussions. Her job is, lets say, a lot of work. She spends about 4-5 hours a day on the road driving to different nursing facilities in fabulous Door county. Speaking of driving, Donna finally learned how to drive a standard transmission. She prefers to say that I finally learned how to teach her. Which brings me to my job. Not the best year I have had but at least I am working.


I have had many cool things happen this year. I met many people that I have always wanted to. Chris Elliot was way cool. He slammed me several times. Just what I expected. The WWF World Champ Rocky Maivaia. No slams. And I went to many Wrasslin' events. One in Fargo for live TV, and even squeezed in a trip to Minneapolis for a pro hockey game.


We are closing out our year in Ohio with a trip to see the Weisers and a mind blowing trip to the Rock Hall of Fame. Oh yeah, my golden birthday is this year. I expect lots of presents. 31 on the 31st.


Well we will wrap this bad boy up with a big explosion of action and a high speed chase. Hey, we even got in some litigation, but no tree stories. Sorry we can only do so many requests. Better luck next year Hal.


MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR


Gorgeous Woman and the Loudmouthed Lug (Donna & Chris)

1997, Point Counter point two the Sequel

CHRISTMAS LETTER 1997: Point & Counter Point Part Two


DONNA: They say the first year of marriage is the toughest. Well it's been over a year and we still argue. Or perhaps we should call it disagree or debate, because we agree to disagree and have some pretty good facts to debate. In fact, that is one of the things that attracted me to Chris, was his ability to have an intelligent opinion or at least an opinion and be able to argue it well. He will continue until you either agree or give up and pretend like you agree just to get him to stop riding you. Anyway, the biggest accomplishment I've made this past year is to put up with differences of opinion and manipulate him into admitting that I'm right and I'm always right.


CHRIS: Well the key word in her last sentence is manipulate. She does not manipulate me I manipulate her into thinking she manipulates me. Also they are not arguments they are "discussions". And she cannot pretend very well. For example, the "discussion" on whether or not we should have brats every night for dinner for the rest of eternity. I won this discussion because of my introduction of the fact that it contains all food groups and she said "okay, brats it is." I knew the next night that she was pretending because we had casserole and it wasn't brat casserole. She is not always right. I just let her think she is.


DONNA: I thought Chris said since we've been in Green Bay for 1 1/2 years he dreams about brats every night. Now that we live in our own house across from Copp's grocery store and a few blocks from Buddha's Sausage he can go get himself a brat every night. Except for Monday night, which is wrestling night. Of course, now that he saw the Roadside Warriors practicing their script in person, I'm surprised he continues to watch that entertainment. What he really oughta be doing is playing with our two dogs, Farley and Tori, more often like I do. I guess it's his loss if they love me more.


CHRIS: First off, it is the Road Warriors. Get it right. They are the greatest tag team of all time so they deserve your respect. As for the dogs, they do not love you more, what they are giving you is pity. Tori B. Flair (our newest dog) is named after Ric Flair as the ultimate sign of respect. As far as practicing scripts, I did not see anything. I was working hard to set up a live shot. The warriors recognized me as a local celebrity and they wanted a picture so please get off the wrestling is fake take. DONNA: They recognized you as a local celebrity? What have you done that anyone would recognize you from? Maybe people recognize you as Donna's husband because I'm known all over Wisconsin as a great Speech Therapist, pool shark, and president in training of the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America Green Bay Chapter. At least I'm known in Sheboygan and Green Bay as a good speech therapist but I'm sure the word has gotten out. After I left St. Nicholas Hospital in Sheboygan I looked at a couple jobs in Green Bay and decided on the best, in my opinion, nursing home/rehab center in Green Bay.


CHRIS: Yeah you are known world wide, you are right up there with...oh yeah there are no well known speech therapists. Onto more interesting subjects, ME. I am a local celebrity. Two words SIGN BOY. Gambler (hockey) fans know and love me as well as Don Beebe (a packer player) show fans. That cringing pain you are now experiencing is called jealousy. Please get over it. As I said to you at the Avalanche hockey game in Denver on our vacation(and it was a fabulous vacation), "People are naturally going to stare at me because I am an important person." To quote the man `Nature Boy' Ric Flair- "Whether you like it or not, learn to love it, because it's the best thing going. WOOOOOOOOOOO!"


DONNA: Okay , Chris, you win. Brats every night.


CHRIS AND DONNA: For our friends and family far away and not so far away we welcome you to come and visit us at any time (then you can see for yourselves who really wins). We have extra beds, 2 stocked fridges, a hot tub, and plenty of entertainment in our basement. Until then, we wish you all a very Merry Christmas and happiness in the new year and always remember keep your stick on the ice. No animals were harmed during the production of this letter. If by chance you received this letter late, it must be due to El Nino. GO PACK GO!!!

1995, The making of a letter...

The Making of a Christmas Letter
(the unauthorized dialogue)


DONNA: Hey, Chris. We need to write our Christmas letter.
CHRIS: Not now. Wrestling is on. Did you know that Ric Flair is the greatest wrestler of all time?
DONNA: No comment. Now get in here (computer room) and let's work on it.
CHRIS: Okay. You know it is going to be hard to top last year's letter. I pretty much showed you who was boss in that one.
DONNA: Hah!!! Chris, I don't know. You are the creative type. Why don't you do the whole thing?
CHRIS: If you thought I whupped you last year. Just let me do this year's version. This is our letter. So we both need to do it. Even if I do make you look bad. I hate to use the same idea twice.
DONNA: Okay, what do you think needs to be mentioned. The only thing that happened this year is that you wised up and proposed to me.
CHRIS: Wised up. You tricked me.
DONNA: How did I trick you?
CHRIS: You took me to that chick flick, Bridges of Madison County. Then when it was over I started to pick it apart, because I can do that, and you blew a gasket. It was almost like I had shot the President (or Wayne Gretzky for you Canadians) or something. So in order to get you to let me in MY apartment I had to give you something. It just so happened that I had a ring from a Cracker Jack box and it worked. You tricked me plain and simple.
DONNA: If that is the way you remember it, you have a poor memory. I recall that you were planning it all along and you were so anxious to ask me you couldn't even wait to get the ring. You just gave me a receipt for a ring. I didn't see the rock until 4 days later. By them I almost reconsidered.
CHRIS: Yeah, whatever. Did I tell you that Ric Flair is the Man!!!?
DONNA: Yeah, whatever. You still didn't answer my question.
CHRIS: How about the new addition to our household.
DONNA: You mean the new frying pan?
CHRIS: You mean the one you never use? No our four legged friend named Farley J. Stipe.
DONNA: You tricked me into thinking I wanted a dog instead of a cat.
CHRIS: You don't seem too upset when Farley greets you at the door every day. You couldn't get a cat to even move from it's perch if it were on fire. Farley rules. It's too bad you wouldn't let me name him Ric Flair.
DONNA: We don't want to scar the dog for life. Although he was doing some nice wrestling with your sisters dog.
CHRIS: He did have the trademark Ric Flair figure four leg-lock.
DONNA: We need to mention that I moved to Des Moines Iowa and then you followed shortly after. That was pretty significant.
CHRIS: Significant in the fact that it was the first time you tricked me this year.
DONNA: No you were willing to come down here even if you had to work three part time jobs.
CHRIS: It's not like that hasn't happened before. Did I tell you that "In order to be the man, you have to beat the man"? (Vague Ric Flair reference) DONNA: Yeah whatever.
CHRIS: I did not have to work three jobs. I received two job offers within a week. One part time and one full time. I took the full time at WOI-TV.
DONNA: You are the man! The people at WOI are very cool. I enjoy hanging out with them even though you are around, Chris. I bought a car this year, and in order for your car to look as good as mine you got a bike rack on your car. But I countered with a car phone. Now, who is the man?
CHRIS: I guess in order to make up for deficiencies in the driving department you have to buy toys. Why don't we mention all the planning for that cruel trick you played on me.
DONNA: The only thing I planned was the date. June 1st 1996. You did everything else.
CHRIS: Yeah, you tricked me.
DONNA: Don't call it a trick. I like to call it an intelligent manipulation.
CHRIS: Yeah whatever. On that fateful day in June all my stuff will become our stuff. And, you get a small hand weight made of gold and diamonds. I guess if you needed an excuse to get all our friends together in one place this is a good one. Not to mention that there is going to be a killer band at the reception (to be named later). I heard REM wanted the gig. Ric Flair is gonna be there.
DONNA: How about I mention that Farley is eating his dog bones while lying on your new pants?
CHRIS: You want to mention that in the letter?
DONNA: No silly. I just wanted to mention it to you because I think it is funny.
CHRIS: Oh, thanks.
DONNA: Why don't we wish everyone a merry Christmas and a happy New Year?
CHRIS: In our Christmas letter? That isn't very creative.
DONNA: No, but it is expected.
CHRIS: Okay if you want to be predictable.
DONNA: You always have to get the last word.
CHRIS: Yes I do. Did I mention that Ric Flair...
DONNA: Yes you did.
CHRIS: Oh, well then MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
DONNA: EH!
CHRIS: Nice try.

1994 Point Counter Point, the first one

Merry Christmas!!!


Okay, here's the deal. We have never done a letter of this type before, and the first letter we started wasn't up to snuff. Also Donna was whining that she didn't do anything worth putting on paper last year. I agreed with her but I didn't tell her that. SOOOOOOO, we decided to do a panel discussion type letter, Kind of Crossfire on paper. How this will work is that I will start the discussion with a topic and write a paragraph or so and then Donna will get her turn. Of course we all know who will have the best discussion, ME. So here goes.


First topic - THE AMERICANIZATION OF DONNA, YES OR NO. discuss...


CHRIS: I truly believe that Donna is an American. Example, first off is her speech. This is truly sad since she claims to be a Speech Language Pathologist. She even went as far as going to some copy shop and getting a little piece of paper that says she is a Master. Hah! Anyway she no longer says roof, aboot, and oot. Plus she hasn't said EH in years. Another sure sign of Americanism is that she cheers when Rambo blows up the bad guys and she roots for American hockey teams. The biggest sign, and this one clinched it for me, was she went to a gun shop with a friend of mine and I saw her pricing Uzi's. During the last winter Olympics I also caught her chanting USA< USA, USA, USA. Yes it is true Donna Sukarukoff is truly an American through and through. She even said to me tonight that she often has a lot of American in her. I didn't quite understand that one though.


DONNA: First off, Chris told me I am not allowed to go back and change what he said so that I could win this debate. I must admit that I had to go back and change a few things. He had a few spelling mistakes that needed correcting. I would also like to change a few things for reasons of validity. I do not yet own a piece of paper that says I have a Masters Degree because I'm not quite finished with the program. I have always and will always say roof to rhyme with boot; as for the words aboot and oot that sounds like a foreign language not Canadian. It is unfortunate that I have never said "eh" with high frequency while I converse but that does not mean that I am not Canadian. I still call a toque a toque, a zed a zed, and bag a bag. The only way I may have become slightly Americanized is from hanging out with Chris so much and picking up his bad habits. If sleeping in till noon, picking your nose, and being a little lazy means I'm American then I guess I am.


Next topic - PROPER EATING ETIQUETTE AND THE USE OF CONDIMENTS. Discuss...


CHRIS- Now this is a subject that I can sink my teeth into. Just to clear the air I only sleep till noon on my days off, I seldom pick my nose (only when the booger is really big), and am far from lazy. Now the subject at hand is proper eating etiquette. Donna thinks she is the queen of clean but I have heard her belch a storm up, not to mention smelled them. She also is one to complain when I put a lot of ketchup on my hash browns, grilled cheese, or syrup on pancakes. I believe that ketchup and syrup are part of the basic food groups and should be made flavors in the Flintstones Vitamins bottles. She will also try to convince you that I use too much butter on my toast. If you are going to spend the time to put butter on your toast then you better taste it. She likes to just get her toast in the general area of butter and that is it. She also rolls her eyes when I salt something before I taste it. She thinks that I am assuming too much in this bold move for spice but if I like salt on my fries, I like salt on my fries. Nuff said. I also like to order the spicy mandarin stir fry. So spicy that my eyelids and the back of my neck sweat. She looks down on this practice also. If I like it spicy, I like it spicy. I think she just needs to lighten up.


DONNA- I'm no the one who needs to lighten up. Chris needs to lighten up on the amount of extra flavor he adds to his food. I am surprised that he is such a picky eater. For example, he says he doesn't like a lot of vegetables, but if he were to add them half the amount of butter he puts on toast he would think they were delicious. He adds so much flavor to his food that he cannot possibly taste the food, but only the added spice, butter, or ketchup. He does not realize this is harmful not only to himself but to others as well. He isn't adding flavor, he is adding extra calories, cholesterol, and damage to his internal organs. Others are being harmed because he insults the cook when he automatically reaches for the ketchup before he even tastes the food. Ultimately, this means that Chris is predictable. No matter what he orders at a restaurant it is going to be the "-est" of everything (the spiciest, the butteriest, and the ketchupiest). I guess you could say that Chris is predictable when it comes to what he eats, or should I be so bold to say Chris is predictable with everything.


Nest topic - More effective driver, Chris or Donna


DONNA - This is a situational answer. I have at times been somewhat impressed with Chris' driving. He managed to avoid an accident when he was following me one winter's day in Regina. I stopped suddenly and Chris did not think that he could (he admitted that he could not stop as well as I did) so he went around me to avoid rear ending me. I guess you could say that was fairly effective. He could have been driving slower and not quite so close to my back-end and then there would have never been an accident to avoid. If anyone was with us in Des Moines and Minneapolis you would have seen many examples where Chris was not driving as well as I could have been. He entered a street that said do not enter, went through a red light, parking in places he should have not, and I stop here before my mum and dad read this they will wonder why I let him drive our car that was not insured for an American to be driving. Chris might try to tell you that I just wasn't doing my job as a navigator, but I was, he just wasn't listening to me. Like a typical man. If he would have drove a little slower he could have avoided a lot of those mistakes. In summary, I am a more effective driver because I drive with caution and listen to my navigator.


CHRIS - Ok. Now we go to school. I believe in my heart and soul that there is no one that is involved in this letter that is a more superior driver than I. I have put more miles on my license than Donna has put on her Barenaked Ladies CD. I was driving before she was even born (yes I can prove it). For one, she doesn't even know how to drive a standard transmission, and refuses to learn. The most blaring example that she is not an effective driver is simply that she is of Canadian descent. Everyone knows that Canadians are poor drivers. I don't think the words "turn lane" are in their vocablulary. No you would think that since she has become an American that her skills would improve but wrongo moosebreath. How do I know that I am superior? I earned my driving degree from the Goggles Pisano school of driving. Nuff said. As for these lame examples from the Iowa trip, I don't know where she gets off complaining since she was behind the wheel a total of 5 minutes, and that was just when she dropped her pillow on the drivers side floor. Which leads me to her navigating. I do not know how a person can navigate with her eyes closed. Sleeping and navigation do not mix but Donna seems to be an expert at it. Since I just sent her BACK to school, I'll let her pick the next topic. Go Girl!


Next topic - Is this letter a good style for a Christmas letter?


DONNA - This i not a good format for a Christmas letter because it doesn't say a lot about what we have done this year except argue. That is probably our most frequent activity, but we have done other normal things that everyone may want to hear about. Maybe Chris hasn't but I have done things. The letter we started writing was better. I guess he felt like he couldn't compete with what I have accomplished in the last year such as; finding a nice roommate and living in a condo in Bismarck, completing a masters degree in Speech language pathology, helping over 30 children improve their speech and language, and getting a job in Des Moines with good pay and benefits. I don't want to sound like I am bragging, but I did very well in softball this summer especially for someone who hasn't played since tee-ball in elementary school. I guess I gave into Chris because I'm no as picky as he is.


CHRIS - As far as this being a good format for a Christmas letter I think, absolootly. Instead of the same old I did this, we did that, uncle melvin had this removed, blah, blah, blah. We get insight on the person we are reading about. We learn more about what makes them tick. As for me not doing anything this year, silly girl, Trix are for kids. Tell me Donna, who started their second year at KXMB-TV12, and who produced a music video that has been applauded all across the prairie region? Who was invited to speak at a film festival in Fargo, had their video played on PPTV Prairie Filmmakers for the second year in a row? Who just became the coolest uncle in the world? Who just got a raise at Amoco? Now that was just a taste so I think you better just bow down and admit defeat.


Now that we have gotten all those feelings out in the open we guess it's time to wish everyone a Happy Holiday. Best of luck to you and your family for the coming year. Maybe next year we will work on a letter that is a little less exciting.


Sincerely Donna and Chris

1996 - Farley J Stipe, Puttin' it on Paper

Farley J. Stipe - Puttin' it on paper.


January 1 - Today I am beginning this diary of my days with Chris & Donna. The sit-ups & the git-downs. Let's just say this is my bone, and I'm gonna pick it.


January 10 - Today I was really upset so I took matters into my own paws, or should I say teeth, and chewed the wooden things on the walls. I was forced to do this in reaction to the stupid bow that they put in my hair after the trip to the doggie spa where they make me the smooth doggie that I am. What do you think the other dogs think when they see me in the stupid bow? They even had the guts to take pictures. I may not even wait to go outside.


January 20 - Today was a slow day. Donna & Chris are usually here to serve me all day, but they said something about a big party in June and went out. They came back with stuff so I figured they were participating in their favorite pastime, goin' out and gettin' stuff from the stuff place. What is the party in June? MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I wont let them know that I know about the party so they won't be upset. Man I am the smartest breed of dog in existence.


January 27 - A lady showed up today. Donna said something about her being from a land north of here and she called her mum. I wonder if she is the party planner for my party?


February 4 - I like this Mum lady. She is here all day long and caters to my every need. Donna & Chris must have hired her to entertain me while they are gone. Cool bones.


February 10 - I have been locked up in this blasted kitchen for 3 days. No sight of the Mum lady. I see a nice spot of carpet over there that needs to be pulled up. I will take care of that first thing.


March 25 - I took it upon myself to chew up one of Chris' shoes today. Boy was he mad. I don't know why, he never chews on them. I didn't want them to go to waste.


March 31 - Saw this pig named Babe on the noise box in the couch room. This guy rules. I hope I get to meet him some day.


April 17 - Wednesday nights have been really a downer. I am stuck in this stupid kitchen while they go out to some pre-party planning. There is a lot of talk about this party in June. I hope they invite Babe the pig to my party. He rocks.


April 22 - More strange people came to visit. Candi, Tom, and a really small person named Caitlin. The small one got out of line so I had to bite her and set her straight. Chris & Donna didn't agree with me though. Still even more talk about my party. I can't wait.


May 15 - Got a cool bandanna at the doggie spa. Guess I taught them a lesson last time.


May 24 - We got in the moving machine today and went for a long ride. I liked it at first but later I decided I needed to express my discontent by throwing up my lunch. It felt like we drove to the end of the world. Still more talk about my party. I heard a rumor from the Beagle that lived next door that Lassie was going to be at my party. Sweeeeet.


May 25 - Where ever we went it looked like the end of the world. Donna said it was called North Dakota. Just when I thought the ride was over we drove even farther to a very cold place called Canada. I went nuts around all the strange people. Finally, the Mum lady showed up and everything was as cool as a freshly painted fire hydrant. I also met a rockin' dog named cousin Hamish.


June 1 - Back to the end of the world. This sucks, I haven't seen Chris and Donna much for the past couple of days. Chris was gone for days with his picture taker machine and some friends taking pictures of huge cows and fish out here at the end of the world. He said it was for a DOGumentary so I offered to go along, but he said no. I am afraid that they are going to leave me with the drivers of the huge moving machine. Ma & Pa Peterson, the older persons who drive the machine, have a stuck up dog named Sugar who just will not play at all. I am getting nervous. Chris & Donna got all dressed up and left me in the huge moving machine with couches. They said something about a wedding, whatever that is, it can't be as big as my party. I wonder if Benji is going to try and crash it.


June 6 - I have been staying with the stuck up dog and her owners, the big machine drivers. I guess they don't just drive big machines. They also serve me. They are pretty cool and have better treats than Chris and Donna have. I'm thinking of stayin' here for a while. It's getting close to my birthday. I hope Chris and Donna are back for my party. If not, no big woof, no ticks off my back.


June 16 - Back home now and its my first birthday! But no party. They went to Hollywood, Las Vegas, and Disney Land and I didn't even get a lousy t-shirt. The least they could have done was say hi to me while they were on Jay Leno. Well maybe they did but I was watching Letterman that night. Stupid pet tricks. No party, no gifts, well there is another piece of carpet that I need to pull up.


July 8 - Chris and I decided to take a vacation by ourselves. We went to a place called Green Bay. Chris says there is new work here not to mention really good cheese. I miss Donna because she feeds me and takes care of me all the time but she had some things to finish up in Des Moines. Chris just watches the noise box. Not even a couch in the couch room. This guy is nuts.


July 31 - Donna is here now and it is really groovy because she is staying home with me. I guess she feels guilty for not giving me a party. She said something about some paper pushers keeping her from working, but I am sure it is guilt. I don't blame her for not liking paper pushers, I hate going on the paper too.


August 31 - It's been a dog day summer. Green Bay has a lot for dogs-on-the-go to do. In fact, DQ Magazine says Green Bay is ranked number one for quality of life for dogs. I've been swimming, hiking, suntanning, and my social life has never been better. Chris and Donna are doing okay too.


September 15 - I've been left behind again. Chris and Donna have started engaging in this strange ritual of tailgating. I understand why I was left behind because I don't have a tail but then again neither do they. I found out from the lab next door that tailgating has nothing to do with a tail, but has something to do with a football team called the Packers. Stupid humans. Chris was upset that Donna got to see the Packers and he didn't. She thought it was great that she got to sit in a box seat. I don't see what's the big deal, I sit in a box all day and you don't see me barking around the neighborhood about it.


October 3 - Mum lady showed up again just around the time that Donna went back to work. Paper pusher apparently finally pushed their paper so she could work. I hope mum lady is here to stay this time.


October 16 - Wednesday nights are the nights to go out again but now I get to go along. They take me to this room full of dogs, tell me to sit and stuff, and give me treats. Piece of cake.


December 7 - Chris and Donna put a big tree in our couch room. I wonder if they are bringing the outdoors in because its cold here in Wisconsin or it is a big chew toy. It's been a really good year for Chris and Donna. They seem really happy with their new jobs, new home, and new friends. They seem to wear a lot of Green and Gold now. They even dressed me up in a cheesy outfit and we stood on this frozen tundra to get our picture taken. At least they didn't make me wear one of those lousy bows. I'm still bummed about not getting a birthday party but the party they had made them really happy. Christmas is coming soon and we are staying here for the holidays. I hope I get the new Snoop Doggy Dog album for Christmas.


December 15 - I had a breach in my security. I caught Donna & Chris reading my journal. They said something about not having to write a letter and started making copies. A dog has no privacy anymore. I am definitely going to have to get a Doberman to guard my stuff before they start eating my bones. It's a dogs life.


To all our friends and relatives and their dogs - Have a merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. Also Go! Pack! Go! Chris, Donna, & Farley J. Stipe